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Am I a Difficult Person?

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Difficult people. You know them—you might work with them, be friends with them, or even have them in your family. But have you ever stopped to wonder if you might be considered a difficult person yourself?

Answer these quick questions, and we’ll tell you how difficult you are—and also, what personality trait of yours is most difficult for others to deal with.

In an office, a woman holding a notebook stands above a seated woman, pointing at her and yelling.

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Questions Overview

1. Overall, people tell me that I’m likable and an easy person to get along with.
  1. Strongly agree
  2. Agree
  3. Neutral
  4. Disagree
2. I don’t have trouble making or keeping friends.
  1. Strongly agree
  2. Agree
  3. Neutral
  4. Disagree
3. Generally speaking, I want to be someone who makes other people happier and makes their lives easier.
  1. Strongly agree
  2. Agree
  3. Neutral
  4. Disagree
4. I don’t really care about my friends’ problems—that’s not my responsibility.
  1. Strongly agree
  2. Agree
  3. Neutral
  4. Disagree
5. When my friends or colleagues are sad, it doesn’t really affect me at all.
  1. Strongly agree
  2. Agree
  3. Neutral
  4. Disagree
6. I’ve had people call me “cold,” “callous,” “uncaring,” or “mean.”
  1. Strongly agree
  2. Agree
  3. Neutral
  4. Disagree
7. I’m generally more talented, smart, or special than other people.
  1. Strongly agree
  2. Agree
  3. Neutral
  4. Disagree
8. I often find myself talking about my accomplishments—I even exaggerate them sometimes, to be honest.
  1. Strongly agree
  2. Agree
  3. Neutral
  4. Disagree
9. Other people think my life is amazing, and they probably wish they were more like me.
  1. Strongly agree
  2. Agree
  3. Neutral
  4. Disagree
10. When I’m angry or upset, I rarely hold my tongue. Instead, I might yell or hurl insults.
  1. Strongly agree
  2. Agree
  3. Neutral
  4. Disagree
11. I’ve been called “rude” or “angry” by lots of people in the past.
  1. Strongly agree
  2. Agree
  3. Neutral
  4. Disagree
12. I end up in conflicts more than other people do, probably because I don’t care if I offend people.
  1. Strongly agree
  2. Agree
  3. Neutral
  4. Disagree
13. I don’t trust others easily, so I rarely open up to people.
  1. Strongly agree
  2. Agree
  3. Neutral
  4. Disagree
14. In relationships, I feel like I have to check their phones and search for signs of cheating—even if they’ve always been trustworthy.
  1. Strongly agree
  2. Agree
  3. Neutral
  4. Disagree
15. Generally speaking, I expect the worst in other people.
  1. Strongly agree
  2. Agree
  3. Neutral
  4. Disagree
16. When people give me leverage in conversation (by sharing a secret, for instance), I take a mental note so I can use it later.
  1. Strongly agree
  2. Agree
  3. Neutral
  4. Disagree
17. I tell people nice things that I don’t mean, just to get what I want.
  1. Strongly agree
  2. Agree
  3. Neutral
  4. Disagree
18. I regularly try to influence people’s actions to help me achieve my end goal.
  1. Strongly agree
  2. Agree
  3. Neutral
  4. Disagree

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Signs of a Difficult Person

Ultimately, whether or not a person is “difficult” is subjective. Some people prefer blunt honesty from friends, while others prefer a gentle communication style. Some people like spending time with organized, structured people, while others find their rigidity uncomfortable. Part of what makes life, relationships, and connection so fun is that we all have traits that might be considered difficult, and still: there are people out there who would appreciate us on the whole, just as we are—difficult traits and all.

Generally speaking though, when a person’s qualities are considered “difficult,” it’s when they’re thought to create discomfort for other people. If someone has a desire to control others or a feeling of apathy towards others, for example, then this could hurt the people around them. As a result, this person would likely be considered “difficult.”

But then, people can also make others uncomfortable for positive, altruistic reasons. Say that your workplace culture is toxic, for example. If you bring this to the attention of your boss, there’s a chance that you’ll be seen as “difficult” by your company’s leadership, because you challenged the status quo. But in reality, you were acting out of care and consideration for yourself and your colleagues. You were doing what was right, even if it appeared to make things difficult for some people.

In short, whether someone is “difficult” is not black and white. It’s not an exact science. In all likelihood, the best way to measure difficulty would be to consider the effects of a person's personality on others, but also, the intent behind their actions. Meaning, if a person causes pain and discomfort intentionally to others (or, at a minimum, they don’t intentionally avoid causing pain and discomfort), then that’s probably the clearest case of a “difficult” person. Specifically, an excessively difficult person might show above-average signs of:

  • Callousness. This refers to a person’s lack of empathy or consideration for others. An extremely callous person might not feel motivated by other people’s feelings.
  • Grandiosity and Self-Centeredness. This refers to a person’s general belief that they’re better than others, which can lead to selfishness and disrespect for the people around them, whom they view as “less than.”
  • Aggression. This is a person’s tendency to be openly hostile towards others. So, where a less aggressive person might cry or leave the room when they’re upset, an excessively aggressive person might yell or throw things.
  • Suspicion. This refers to a very low level of trust that one person might feel towards all of the people around them.
  • Manipulativeness. Manipulation is when someone tries to control another person’s behavior, either subtly or overtly. In both cases, they put their own desires and goals before other people’s free will and experiences.

The truth is though, none of us are perfect. We all have habits, patterns, and traits, maybe starting from when we were children, that could be considered “difficult.” With this in mind, the best thing we can all do is continue to try and improve—try to treat people better, fight our less kind instincts, and highly value our own moral growth.


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