Do I Have Relationship Anxiety?
Do you ever feel worried or insecure about your relationship? Do you wonder if your partner actually doesn't care for you, even though they say do? Relationship anxiety has many underlying causes, including an anxious attachment style or a lack of self-esteem. It can take a toll on your relationships and mental health.
The good news is that relationship anxiety can be controlled and overcome in time, and the first step to doing so is understanding when you might have it. Our comprehensive quiz can help you determine whether you may or may not have relationship anxiety—and, if so, what you can do about it.
Questions Overview
- No, I don’t. My partner and I are able to do that comfortably.
- Rarely. Communication is important, but sometimes I feel like I’m asking too much.
- Yes, there are times when I definitely hesitate. I just don’t like doing it.
- All the time. I’m constantly worried about how my partner will react.
- Why would I? If my partner says they’re happy, I believe them.
- The thought has crossed my mind before, but I know it’s irrational.
- I’ve worried about that before and needed reassurance from my partner.
- I always worry about that, and nothing my partner says seems to help.
- I prioritize them because I love my partner, but I know that my needs matter too.
- I try to, if it's important. I don’t want them to feel like I let them down.
- Yes. I instinctively tend to put their needs before mine most of the time.
- Of course I do! If they feel like I’m not prioritizing them, they might leave me.
- Not at all. I try not to worry about that stuff and let my romances unfold naturally.
- Occasionally, but I know that even the most harmonious relationships take effort.
- Sometimes. I just don’t like the idea that I may not have found my soulmate yet.
- Constantly. How do I know if I’ve found the right person? I need to be sure.
- Nope. Relationships are fun and exciting to me.
- I get a little nervous when someone asks me out, but I can push it aside easily.
- Yes, I do avoid relationships, but try my best if someone I like asks me out.
- Absolutely. I’ve bailed on dates before because I got too nervous beforehand.
- No, I don’t. I love hearing it, but I don't need it repeated constantly.
- I’ve done it once or twice, but I like it better when my partner says it naturally.
- I do it sometimes because I feel like I need reassurance.
- I do it all the time. I feel like I can never be sure of where they stand.
- No. I sympathize with them, of course, but I’m not worried about it.
- At times, but I can usually remind myself that bad days happen to everyone.
- Yes, I have. I know logically it’s not about me, but I still worry.
- Absolutely. I can’t help it—I start to panic and might even get upset myself.
- I’m not afraid of a respectful debate! I don’t hold back.
- I did in the beginning, but now I’m usually able to express myself freely.
- I withhold opinions sometimes. It’s better than possibly having a conflict.
- Always. I never share an opinion until I know how my partner feels first.
- They’ve never discussed anything like that with me, no.
- They did once, so I’ve tried to be better at catching irrational thoughts since then.
- They sometimes do. We usually work through it, but I wish it didn’t keep happening.
- They often do, to the point that they seem frustrated, but I still can't stop worrying.
- No, I’m pretty good about calming down when I feel anxious.
- I’ve felt my heart racing once or twice, but nothing huge.
- Sometimes, it gets intense—I get short of breath, and my heart rate goes up.
- Yes, I’ve been diagnosed with anxiety and get full-blown panic attacks often.
- No, I’ve parted amicably with most of my exes.
- Not really, but not all of my relationships have ended well.
- Yes, it happened once before, and it was devastating.
- Yes, it’s happened multiple times, and I’m scared it’ll happen again.
- Of course not! I trust them wholeheartedly.
- I get intrusive thoughts occasionally, but trust in my partner wins out.
- Sometimes I worry about the relationship, even though I know I have no reason to.
- Yes. I always need to know where they are and what they’re doing, just in case.
More Quizzes
More on Relationship Anxiety
Relationship anxiety is characterized by feelings of uncertainty, intense worry, apprehension about the state of your relationship, and an ongoing need for reassurance from your partner about their feelings for you and their commitment to the relationship. It can come from a variety of different causes, and determining the source can go a long way toward eventually overcoming it. The potential causes include:
Anxious attachment style. Your attachment style is traced back to your relationship with your primary caregivers as a child and how you bonded with them. Based on those early relationships, your attachment style can determine how you interact and form relationships with others later in life.
If you have an anxious attachment style, you likely had a rocky relationship with your caregivers as a child. They may have been kind and loving one minute and cruel or neglectful the next, which may have led you to develop deep anxieties surrounding relationships and trust. People with an anxious attachment style may be insecure, unsure of their worth as a partner, and frequently on edge, looking out for signs that their relationship is crumbling (even when there are no signs present).
Past negative or toxic relationships. If your relationship ended because your partner violated your trust, that fear and pain could easily stay with you, even as you pursue other, healthier relationships. You may also have had a relationship with a toxic partner who criticized you, made you question your self-worth, or withheld affection to get what they wanted from you. That kind of behavior can leave its mark and make you doubt the stability of your current relationship.
Low self-esteem. When you have low self-esteem, it can cause you to question the depth of your partner’s feelings for you. If you feel like you’re unlovable, you might have trouble believing that your partner loves you—even when they tell you that they do wholeheartedly. Insecurity can also lead you to question your partner’s faithfulness or the future of the relationship, even though their behavior hasn’t raised any red flags.
A lack of communication. In some cases, relationship anxiety is simply the result of poor communication. One or both of you may have trouble opening up, expressing your feelings to one another, and having honest discussions about how the relationship is going or what your plans are for the future. Lack of clear communication cause you to question the strength of your relationship and leave you feeling anxious around your partner.
How can you overcome relationship anxiety?
Though it may feel difficult, overcoming relationship anxiety is a very achievable goal. Worrying about your partner and their feelings can take a toll on the relationship, and it’s mentally exhausting. To get started on banishing those fears, consider the following strategies:
Find and confront the source of your anxiety. If you know why you feel so anxious all the time, it makes the baseless fears easier to identify and confront. The next time you start worrying about your relationship, ask yourself, “Why do I feel this way? Where is it coming from?” For example, you might be worried about being “good enough” for your partner because of unpleasant memories from a failed relationship.
Once you know the source of your anxiety, you can catch those intrusive worries and stop them from getting to you. So, if you recognize that your fear is coming from a past relationship, you can tell yourself, “That’s in the past, and my ex-partner who made me feel this way was in the wrong, not me.” Essentially, having a concrete reason to disregard your fears makes it much easier to do.
Communicate with your partner. Your partner can be an amazing source of encouragement and support if you let yourself open up to them. In any healthy relationship, it’s crucial to talk through significant things together—including worries, expectations, and plans for the future of the relationship. So, when you feel your anxiety taking over, seek out your partner and tell them how you’re feeling. Their assurance can help you put your fears to rest, so you can move forward feeling confident about the relationship.
Live in the moment. In some cases, you may experience relationship anxiety about things that haven’t happened yet. You might anticipate problems that don’t exist or worry about what will happen between you and your partner in the future—but the truth is, you can’t predict the future, which makes worrying about it a waste of energy. Instead, focus on enjoying the present and living in the moment. Savor the happiness you feel with your partner right now, and catch yourself if you start thinking about future events that might never happen.
Take new relationships slowly. Anxiety can make new relationships especially difficult to navigate. Remember, a little nervousness is natural at the beginning of a relationship! You don’t know your partner as well, you’re still learning about each other, and that’s completely okay.
Ease into new relationships with small steps that are less likely to trigger your anxiety. For example, you could join a dating app and spend the first couple of weeks just talking to your potential partner via text or over the phone. And, if you feel overwhelmed, don’t be afraid to take a step back and put yourself out there again when you feel ready.
Talk to a therapist about your anxiety. Therapy is an incredibly useful tool for overcoming all kinds of anxiety and insecurity. If you feel like relationship anxiety is affecting your relationships, find a therapist to help you control those fears. Through talk therapy, you can learn new tools to manage your anxious thoughts and build healthier, happier relationships in the future.
Want to learn more?
For more information about relationship anxiety, check out the following resources:
