How to Say "I Love You"

Co-authored by Sarah Schewitz, PsyD

Last Updated: February 22, 2024 Approved

Commonly, the scariest part of a new relationship is saying “I love you.” If you truly love your partner, confess your feelings when the time feels right. Do this even if you feel intimidated or scared that your partner doesn't feel the same. Chances are, if you feel strongly toward your partner, they feel the same about you. With a little preparation and confidence, you can easily profess your love!

Part 1

Part 1 of 3:

Choosing the Right Time

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Confess your love when the feeling seems mutual. To determine if the feeling is mutual, pay attention to any signs your partner gives off. As you get to know your partner, you’ll also get to know their feelings towards you. If your partner does things to make you smile, looks at you longingly, and makes you a priority in their life, they likely feel strongly towards you.^{[1]
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- For example, if your partner cooks your favorite meal for dinner or talks about their feelings a lot with you, it may be a sign that they love you.
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Express your feelings when the moment feels right. The perfect time to confess your feelings will come to you intuitively. You’ll know when the time is right, based on your partner’s body language and your personal feelings.
- Signs that you truly love your partner include making them a priority, not looking for new people, and feeling a strong connection and attraction.
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Avoid saying “I love you” too soon into your relationship. Typically, you should tell your partner your feelings after you've spent enough time with them to know them well. The amount of time will depend on your particular relationship. Overall, you should wait to tell them you love them until you know your feelings are true and genuine.^{[2]
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- While it is wonderful to feel strongly about your partner after a few dates, avoid telling them you love them until you are certain. That way, your affection will not seem desperate or clingy.
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Don’t wait too long to say how you feel. If you wait too long, you and your partner may grow apart, resulting in them moving on. They may get the wrong idea and think you're not into them if you don't express your feelings eventually.^{[3]
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- Find confidence in your feelings, rather than being scared to express your love. You may regret not opening up down the line.
- One way to be more confident is to remind yourself that your partner is going to want to hear the L word eventually, even if it's not "perfect".

Part 2

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Expressing Your Feelings

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1
Give yourself a pep talk before you say “I love you.” If you are nervous about telling your partner your feelings, take some deep breaths and talk yourself up. Say to yourself, “I can do this,” or something similar. Remind yourself of all the reasons why you love your partner to distract you from your fear of rejection.
- With a little reassurance, you can confess your love with confidence and assurance.
- You can also tell yourself “If it is meant to be, it will be.”
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Be face-to-face with your partner to tell them your feelings. The moment you confess your love is a powerful, transformative point in your relationship, as you commit to each other officially. Because of this, you want to clearly see their facial expression and reaction when you confess your feelings. If you can, it is best to tell your partner in person. If that is not possible, try a video call.
- Avoid saying “I love you” via text or phone call. You will not be able to read your partner’s expressions if you tell them through an indirect form of communication.
Eye contact is very important. It impresses upon the person at the other end that you are confident about your feelings and do not doubt it. Not maintaining eye-contact is a sign of being unsure.
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Pick a private place to make the moment intimate and special. Avoid proclaiming your love in front of a lot of people. This may put outside pressure on your partner, which may complicate their feelings. Find a romantic, intimate time to tell your partner how you feel, such as a nice dinner or while spending time at home.
- For example, you can cuddle with your partner on the couch and look them in the eyes before you say your feelings.
- While wine can be romantic and set the mood, avoid telling your partner your feelings while intoxicated. You may not say exactly what you mean.
- Make sure you and your partner are not busy or distracted when you tell them your feelings. They may be stressed about work or school, and this may impact their mood.
- If you tell your partner your feelings in public, keep your volume low. You can whisper “I love you” into their ear as an intimate expression of love.
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Say "I love you" when the moment feels right. Say that slowly, try not to blush, and just be yourself. The perfect opportunity to confess your feelings will depend on your particular situation. When you feel the right moment has come, be direct and speak clearly. Tell your partner "I love you," with a genuine, warm tone. You can do this while eating dinner, having a picnic, or stargazing, for example.^{[4]
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- If you want to say something other than "I love you," consider things like, "I can't believe how much I care for you," or "I feel such powerful adoration for you and only you." These are ways of saying the gist of your feelings without popping the "L-word."
- Other suggestions include "You're the best partner in the whole world," and "I love you more and more every day."
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Prepare yourself emotionally to not hear it in return. Unfortunately, you cannot control your partner’s reaction. While of course you want them to say “I love you too,” there is no guarantee. If you feel genuine love for your partner, you should tell them, regardless of how they may respond.
- Just because your partner doesn't say "I love you," back right away doesn't mean they don't feel strongly toward you. They just may need time to process the relationship and think about their feelings.
They will hug you.

Part 3

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Showing Your Love

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Compliment your partner often. Say things like, “Wow your outfit looks great,” or “Your hair looks great pushed back.” This reassures your partner that you care about them and are attracted to them.^{[5]
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- You can also tell them how wonderful your date was and how grateful you are for such a fabulous partner.
- Say things like, "You are the most precious thing in my life," and "I don’t even want to think about what life would be like without you."^{[6]
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Support your partner emotionally. Tell your partner “I’m here for you,” to reassure them that you care. You want your partner to understand that you are there for them through the good and the bad, and that you are always ready to listen and offer encouragement. This way, your partner can trust you and you can grow more in love.^{[7]
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- If your partner is having a rough day, ask them to talk about it. Listen to their words carefully, and offer supportive words such as "Babe, you're wonderful. Don't worry about what your boss thinks."
- You can also tell your partner a joke to cheer them up.
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Perform kind gestures and favors for your partner. Showing kindness to your partner is a great way to display your feelings for them. You can do things like buy them flowers, leave them a cute note, or buy them a small gift just because.
- In addition, you can make your partner their favorite meal for dinner or bring them breakfast in bed.
- Another way to do a kind gesture is always opening the door for your partner.
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Touch your partner affectionately. Small, gentle touches are a great way to show your care and love. When chatting, gently touch your partner’s arm, hand, or knee. Hold hands when you are walking around, and touch their back affectionately. These are all small reminders of your love.^{[8]
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- Be sure to hug and kiss your partner goodbye, as well.

Ways to Tell and Show Someone that You Love Them

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Question

How long should you wait to tell someone you love them?

Sarah Schewitz, PsyD
Licensed Psychologist
Sarah Schewitz, Psy.D. is a licensed clinical psychologist by the California Board of Psychology with over 10 years of experience. She received her Psy.D. from the Florida Institute of Technology in 2011. She is the founder of Couples Learn, an online psychology practice helping couples and individuals improve and change their patterns in love and relationships.

Sarah Schewitz, PsyD

Licensed Psychologist

Expert Answer

The right time to say 'I love you' is different for everyone. If you just want to let the person know how you feel, but you aren't really attached to whether they say 'I love you, too,' then you can tell them whenever you start to feel it. If you're really invested in hearing it back, you might want to wait as long as a few months to tell them.

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Tips

If you aren’t sure of your feelings, don’t tell someone you love them just to make them happy. You want to be completely honest and truthful when expressing your feelings.

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Everyone expresses love differently. Be understanding of your partner’s individuality and appreciate how they express their feelings.

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One way to build up to the L word is to occasionally mention something you love about this person. For example "I love those baby browns of yours" (while batting your own eyes) or "You cook a mean steak and I just love it". (In such contexts it helps to be casual.)

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Warnings

Don’t use the words "I love you" to cover up something you did wrong or to resolve a conflict. Instead, learn to apologize.

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Be careful when saying “I love you” when making love. While sometimes this is a great opportunity to confess your feelings, it may also seem insincere in the heat of passion. Be sure to follow up your expression with kind actions.

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